Humour
Just Thought I’d Add a Spot for a Laugh!
haha, the internet is stupid.
hello its steve the owner of sympatico csolve and most other internet
companies.
i am doing a test and i need to see which internet lines are using msn so
send this
to everyone in ur list in the next 2 seconds or your internet will shut down
and never
turn back on and your computer will blow up.
Now that Vancouverwill be hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics these are
some questions people the world over are asking!!!! Believe it or not
these questions about Canadawere posted on an International Tourism
Website (frightening, isn’t it!). Obviously the answers are a joke; but
the questions were really asked!!! Question: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the
plants grow?(UK)
Answer: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you’ve been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouverto Toronto-can I follow the Railroad
tracks? Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes…
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places
to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a
list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmontonand Halifax? UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Ca-na- da is that big country to your North…oh forget it. Sure, the
hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get
here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,
which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Vancouverand in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come
naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don’t stink!
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you sell it in Canada? USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbiawhere the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Torontoand is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk
is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget
its name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the
brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by
spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
S: Took hammer away from midget
“It is with saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community, The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast
infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly.
He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including
Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack,the California Raisins, Betty Crocker,
the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled
high with flours.
Aunt Jamima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as
a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly
in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He
was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on
half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still
was a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John
Dough and Jane Dough plus they had one in the oven. He is also
survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50
for about 20 minutes.”
-By Someone Very Hilarious
